Probably not safe for work, here is our third effort. As always we welcome comments on the style and content in an effort to improve! Transcript below...

This week we learnt the police are a bunch of secret buggers... oh, and they carry out covert surveillance of MPs. This sent the House of Commons into a massive self-important circle jerk, crowing over an intrusion into their privacy, seemingly oblivious that the rest of us are spied on just for flytipping.

As if to underline how important it is that we don't pry too deeply into their affairs, MPs have appointed three of their own to investigate their expenses. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? I would hear you all cry if you'd had the elitist and frankly superior education I've had and in this case it's the watchmen themselves. Perfectly logical of course, they've got the best idea of how the system has been screwed out of all sensibility over the years, like Carla Bruni at a Rolling Stones concert.

Worries over privacy didn't stop the announcement this week that intercept evidence will be allowed in some criminal trials. Up until now, the security services have used the excuse that it would be too costly to transcribe all the conversations secretly recorded. In other words, because they're too fucking lazy and would rather go running around London like Bruce Willis on crack, shooting Brazilians in the head and scaring the willies out of the rest of us.

We also learnt this week that Caroline Flint, Minister for Housing, doesn't like poor people and loves spending two or three hours in front of the mirror every morning. She's proposed chucking out council housed tenants that can't get a job, attacking the effect rather than the cause and turning all the jobless into Yosser from Boys from the Blackstuff. Caroline Flint, because she's worth it and poor people aren't.

Elsewhere you would have to have been stranded on a desert island for four years with a Latino who is inexplicably still 20 stone to not know about the big US event, Super Tsunami, Genocide Tuesday, in which Mormonism was obliterated from the political landscape by a septuagenarian war veteran who can't even comb his own hair, and the Democrats couldn't decide whether they are racist or sexist.

Other "Super" things this week? Jacqui Smith declaring kids as young as 13 to be super alcoholics that should have their super legal rights ignored, which is a bit rich for someone who's admitted to having a kebab at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, a far greater sin than the odd sip of your Dad's beer.

A super poll of Conservative MPs has showed that three-quarters of them think that super-posh Cameron and Osborne are super stupid for wanting to match Labour's spending patterns if and / or when they get into power, and Health Secretary Alan Johnson gets ready to deliver all those poor people unable to afford even an NHS Dentist a super smile by pumping out water full of super chemicals rather than investing in the such periphery things as the health service.

Prime Minister's Questions was its usual exciting self [tumbleweed]. Brown revealed his unique talent for utterly failing to answer a single, fucking question, at one point responding to Clegg's question about "the great British tradition of liberty" by asking the youthful, handsome one whether he supports CCTV. To be fair to our one-eyed PM, maybe the correct answer was in his blind spot.