I'm trying something new here, not sure if it's going to work as well as intended but here it is. Read more for the transcript of this movie.

If the furore on the blogs and news is anything to go by; this weeks most important event is that Peter Hain has resigned over the issue of declaring his deputy-leader campaign donations too late. This is presumably due to being caught up in an incredible tanning salon explosion and nothing at all of his own wrong doing. Blow hard bloggers, and journalists just glad to be able to report on anything that isn't happening in Newcastle, have been on his case for a while now and so need to celebrate with the required literary jerk off, just in case they all suffer terrible aneurysms from keeping their glee pent up too long.

This is all well and good given that 97 out of a polled 120 MPs are all for this "new" idea of presumed consent, an thus it is likely that many of them would then need to rise from the grave clutching broken keyboards and rusty pens to try and stop the state from taking their organs from their bodies, but that supposes in the first place that selfish vampires are able to actually die.

Back on point, the trouble is that all this news about Hain is so utterly boring, to the degree of potentially being worse than sitting down with your grandparents at Christmas, because at least then you don't know which of the handful of war stories you'll get to hear for the billionth time. Ultimately it has to be making the public switch over to American Idol; talking of which this was the week that saw Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton devolve in to little children. I am hardly comforted in my knowledge that the top two democratic candidates for president have the same maturity as a 6 year old, but at least it is more interesting than some story about a guy getting far too much money to run for an inconsequential position that only those with the mental capacity of a cultured blackbird would be adequate for.

What is most infuriating about this news situation is that it has allowed much bigger stories to get left out in the cold, the biggest of these being that the government intends to tell students that they MUST get a civil liberty infringing ID card if they want student loans, and also to revisit the issue of the 42 day detention for "terrorists". On the first subject I am not surprised that student groups and the NUS are unwilling to join the ranks of people throwing their personal data around more than confetti in Vegas. On the latter subject I personally cannot think of anything that will bring extremist terrorist to love us more than they already do than by specifically singling out muslims, as Bill Rammell has suggested to universities...again, keeping them locked up without charge and then releasing the poor innocent buggers after a month and a half. Oh, actually I can think of something that might make them love us more, informing them after they've been wrongly imprisoned for 42 days that MPs have finally decided you shouldn't be held for longer than 28.

Add to this weeks news a sprinkling of data loss, a protest about pay and a home secretary afraid to go out at night and you have a pretty bleak week for the party in red. I really would like to highlight some good news for Labour this week but with their Northern Rock solution looking to put us all in greater debt for 5 years, pushing on an unpopular EU treaty, and making a u-turn faster than even the stig could pull in a Ferrari on capital gains tax it is hard to see any good coming from them this week. Even when the Prime Minister tries to usher in a new age of technology to politics he manages to look like a tit.

This isn't to say the other party's are doing better, Clegg has managed to shoot himself in both feet by first rescinding the previous Lib Dem pledge of free healthcare for our grandparents and then by making a statement on EU referendums that has made everyone wonder who he would choose to share his bed with, the "clunking fist" or some continental hotties? Cameron on the other hand can try as hard as he likes to be hip with the kids but making pop culture references that are at least a decade too old is going to make him look more like the class nerd, and telling parents it is ok to lie about your religion to get into the posh schools can't be sitting too well with the god squad.

Of course these problems all pale in to insignificance when the party in power state pretty bloody clearly that despite all the evidence stating that we should start using proportional representation in our elections, that the way we do it works well. It would seem therefore that the Labour governments idea of "working well" is a system that makes votes in safe constituencies pointless and delivers a government where 20% of us don't get the party representation we asked for. If you're not going to change the system because you rather like being artificially in power above what the public wish then just say so instead of being cowardly bureaucratic pricks.

What all the boys, and girls, representing us can agree on though is that they're not worth as much as people think they are, taking a lower than advised pay rise this year. If this is an attempt to quieten the discord over things like police pay they need to realise that just because a bunch of people earning over 60,000 pounds for the job of arguing the toss with each other don't want their recommended pay rise doesn't mean that men and women facing higher knife and gun crime this year will wish to follow suit.